Receiving Love | From Those We've Lost

With Mother’s Day approaching, I’ve been considering what it means to be Adeline’s mom. How do you reconcile being a mom of a child you cannot hold?  I was browsing through my photos recently and this one always stands out. It reminds me of a moment, during a trip to Lake Tahoe, shortly after Adeline passed away.

As I sat on the balcony of our hotel room, I let the sun engulf me and prayed “swallow me up and take me to place where it doesn't hurt so much.”  My prayer was answered, but not as I expected it to be.  Instead of taking me away to someplace new, the sun reminded me how close Adeline really was. As I felt the sun’s rays on my face, I could feel the warmth.  The sun’s rays were not visible, I could not reach out and touch them and yet I could feel them.  I could feel them on my skin and in my heart. They provide the human body with nourishment and energy.

Nature has such a beautiful way of directing the human soul.  

The rays of the sun are much like Adeline's love. I cannot touch her, I cannot hold her, I cannot see her, but man I can feel her. Every day, everywhere I go, in everything I do, I feel Adeline. Her love nourishes my heart and soul, in ways I never knew were possible.   

As I adjust to a new way of living, I'm surrounding by her warmth: comforting, invigorating, motivating, consistent.  She is forever with me, and I am forever her mother. Life is full of obstacles, challenges, roadblocks, and hurdles.  We would not be human without them.  I am blessed to be able to experience life through a new lens. A lens that allows me to see not only with my eyes but also with my heart. I can see the suffering, the pain, the fear, the heartbreak.  But what shines brightest is LOVE. Her love radiates back at me.  Love is everywhere and I am continually amazed by the strength of the human heart. 

Does life feel out of control? Do you feel overwhelmed and anxious? Check out this free guide on How to Calm the Chaos After Loss.