Dear Adeline | Miss You

Dear sweet Adeline, 

Words cannot express how much I love you, how much I miss you and wish you were here.

I find it hard to put into words this feeling of missing you.  

The pain in my heart is heavy.  The tears on my cheeks are thick.  

You were my first.  My first pregnancy.  My first baby.  My first experience of unconditional love.  And yet there are so many firsts that we'll never experience.  I missed that sweet moment when a newborn cries after birth.  I'll never know your voice.  I missed getting to see you smile.  I'll never know what your smile looks like.  I missed looking into your eyes. I'll never know the color of your eyes. You laid in my arms so beautifully, so precious and yet so lifeless, and my heart was torn between the joy of having a daughter and the pain of losing her all in the same moment.  

For nine months we lived together as one.  You and me.

We went everywhere together.  You inside me.  I did everything a mom could do to protect you. My mom powers were not enough to keep you here.  Lord knows I tried. 

When I see other children, I think of you.  I see your smile in their smile.  I see your eyes in their eyes and your voice in their voices.  You live in this world through others and for that I am so grateful. 

With every encounter, your love spills from my heart.  I will ALWAYS miss you and will ALWAYS wish it had gone a different way.  I'll always wish you were here.  But since you cannot be, please know I share your love with every person I meet, with every interaction, with every breath I share you.  Your love seeps from my heart and impacts this world in ways which I hope you would be proud. I honor you by sharing your love and your voice with this world. 

I promise to continue to share your love.  You have given me such a beautiful gift.  I hold onto your love in my heart like a well that will never run dry. 

I love you so much, dear sweet Adeline. And I miss you every day. 

Love, Mom